I'm having 6 babies.

Did that title grab your attention? Well, that was the "title"of the dream my husband had about me the other night, and then he went on to tell me about the dream while we were in WalMart and I about fell over from hysterics while others in the store made a wide berth to "stay away from that crazy lady."

Hubs dreamed that I wanted a baby so I went behind his back to a fertility clinic. Of course he found out and I told him, "Yeah, I'm having 6. But don't worry, I've already given 3 away and I'm finding homes for the other 3."

As if they were kittens!! And why did I want to have babies if I was going to give them all away anyway?

I asked Hubs what happened next, and he said, "I don't remember. I think I had a stroke."

Fat on babies = cute. Fat on me = not so much.

Why is it that double chins are cute on babies, but not on 40 year women?

And why can't I wear horizontal stripes, when babies can, and proportionally their stomachs are fatter than mine??

And when do rolls on thighs become "ugh" instead of "adorable?"

If I could be a baby, I'd be cute on all three fronts. :)

A comedy, based on errors and many confused people

The setting: my house, in my favorite La-Z-Girl recliner with my cell phone
The characters: Me, my Auntie M, my daughter Babs, my mom Kate, and my seester who started it all- TC.

Scene 1:
The phone rings. It's 10:00 p.m. and I get a panicked look while my brain races, "Who's calling me so late, oh gosh, it's probably something wrong, I hope it's not Mom or Dad or one of the kids, oh no..."

Enter: my mom
Mom: Hello, Nancy?
Me: Oh, hi Mom. What are you doing calling me so late?
Mom: Well, I just got off the phone with Auntie M. and she said something about your dad being in the hospital!"
Me (VERY confused): Uh, Mom, you live with Dad. Wouldn't you know if he were in the hospital?
Mom: Well, Auntie M. said she talked to you and you told her Dad was in the hospital.
Me (VERY, VERY confused): Why would I do that when he's clearly NOT in the hospital?
Mom: I told her I was the one who had been in the hospital.
Me (panicked): WHAT?? When were YOU in the hospital?
Mom: Oh, last week when I had those chest pains.
Me (relieved): Oh, yeah, well that was just for tests.
Mom: Well, why did you tell her DAD was in the hospital?
Me (back to confused): I DIDN'T!
Mom: I don't know. I thought she said you told her.
Me (anxious to get my sanity back): I'm calling Auntie M. right now and figure this thing out.

Scene 2: Me still in La-Z-Girl with cell phone, now down to 2 bars.
Enter: Auntie M.

Me: Hello, Auntie M.
Auntie M: Oh, hi! What are you doing calling me so late? And how's your father?
Me: Well, I just got off the phone with Mom. It was a very confusing conversation, but basically she said that I told you that Dad was in the hospital!
Auntie M: No! You see, I went to church with Babs today, and she told me that your dad was in the hospital.
Me (here comes the confusion once again. By now we're old pals): Why would Babs tell you that? He's not in the hospital!

Enter: TC (so to speak. Actually, TC's NAME and BLAME enters here)

Auntie M: Babs said she was reading TC's blog and it said your dad was in the hospital.
Me (glad that I had read TC's blog just that day or else my head would have exploded at this point): Oh, THAT! No, no, no. She was writing about something that happened months ago.
Auntie M (NOT relieved): Why did Babs tell me that she had just read about it that day?
Me (clearly putting the blame on TC): TC actually WROTE about the incident just recently, but the REAL incident happened a long time ago. But she didn't put the date or anything on her blog, so it seems like it just happened.
Auntie M (STILL not relieved): Why didn't anyone tell me back then??
Me: Well, it turned out to be nothing. If it had been a real emergency, you would have been notified.... oh gosh, I'm sounding like the Federal Broadcasting Emergency System. Listen, I have to call Babs. Later!

Scene 3: STILL on La-Z-Girl with cell phone, now down to 1 bar.

Me: Babs? It's me, Mum.
Babs: Hi Mumzy! How are you?
Me: Auntie M. and I were just talking and she said that you told her that Gramps was in the hospital.
Babs: Yeah, I read it in Aunt TC's blog today.
Me: Weren't you worried?
Babs: No, I told Auntie M. that no one had called me so it must not have a been a big deal.
Me: Well, no one called you because he's NOT in the hospital.
Babs (now it's HER turn to join Confusion's circle of friends): Why would Aunt TC write that then?
Me: Because Gramps was in the hospital back in June.
Babs: But she just wrote about it this week!
Me: I KNOW! But she didn't state WHEN the actual event happened, and I'm telling you it happened months ago! He's NOT in the hospital. And Auntie M. panicked and called Grammie who was all confused who called me who was all confused who called Auntie M. to straighten it out and now I'm calling YOU to straighten it out. Oops! There goes my battery warning. It's almost dead.
Whew.
It's midnight.
I'm going to bed.
And from now on I 'm turning off my cell phone at 9:00 p.m.

My annual letter!

GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT???????????????????

It’s time for the 2008 Family newsletter!!! Whoot, whoot! So…. sit yerself down on that there futon, crack open a Diet Pepsi (or your beverage of choice), and enjoy the ride!!
Where to begin, where to begin? Okay, the most important stuff first. The dogs.

Since I’m old, I mean, busy and can’t have a baby, we adopted a puppy in May, about a month after our party-gal Jen Jen (aka, Donkey- she looked and acted like Donkey in the Shrek movies) died from a brain tumor. Sorry to dump the heavy stuff on you right off the bat, but I promise that’s all there is the whole letter. Now put your happy face back on and keep reading. Our pup is a Swedish Elkhound mix whom we named Allie because it was the only name that no one in our family hated. She is the NEW party gal… party at midnight, party at 3 a.m., party a 6 a.m. *sigh* I remembered after the adoption that there was a reason I wanted to have all my kids while I was young. Maggie, our 14 year old Maltese mix, pretty much takes Allie in stride, except for when the pup gets near her food bowl. Kind of reminds me of my dad: easy going until you mess with his food. Heidi, (below) our 7 year old German shepherd/corgi mix, helped us pick Allie out, and I’m sure she spends many of her hours asking, “What was I thinking??” To add to the insanity that is now my life, I take Allie to doggie daycare. But truly, it’s wonderful. She’s exhausted when she comes home: the older dogs get a reprieve, and I get a full night’s sleep. This summer she attended puppy class, which is more like, “School for Idiot Owners Whose Dogs Control Them.” She graduated, with a diploma, a cap, and a ball as a graduation gift.

I like to joke with Brittany that even the dog graduated before she did. For some reason she doesn’t laugh when I say that. Anyway, Britt’s a senior in high school, finishing up her Cosmetology program at the vo-tech school. It’s been an interesting year, seeing all the colors her hair has become and smelling all the “cool” chemical odors that waft out of the bathroom. But please don’t light up a cigarette within 50 yards of our house. There could be a very loud “kaboom”, and then you’d owe us a house.


Bethany is 22, will graduate from East Stroudsburg U. in May, and will be looking for a teaching job so she can make more money in one year than I did in the first 40 years of my life. She likes working with children with autism, but she likes a traditional classroom as well, so we’ll see where God plops her. All we know is that Bethany and electronics/machines… not a good match. Just in this past year: Car = slides on ice, hits wall, dies. Computer = crashes, dies…twice. Phone = falls in glass of iced tea, dies. Let’s just say Beth has done her part to keep our economy going. (she's on the right)

James is now 23. I know what you’re thinking... how can I, who looks so INCREDIBLY YOUNG, have a son that old? I know, I know. I can hardly believe it myself. James finished college last December, spent 3 months in Madagascar with his Uncle Bill and family, walked at his graduation in May (even my parents were there!) and now still lives like a college student. He’s renting an apartment near the college over a BAR that serves HOT WINGS, so needless to say, James has all the essentials within walking distance. Oh yeah, and his girlfriend lives across the street from him. Another essential. Right now he’s working for a pizza place, paying his bills, and just enjoying life until some things work themselves out so he can plan for the future. He likes to visit his dad in VA where they can hit the beach,go out on a boat, or play golf.


Rachael is soon going to be 22, and a BRIDE. I know what you’re thinking…. How can I, who looks like a young bride herself, have a daughter that’s old enough to get married?? I know, I know. I can hardly believe it myself. On June 13, 2009, my little girl will become Mrs. Bryce Baldwin and will desert her incredibly young-looking mom to live in Rome, NY. Bryce is working for, or more like, in ministry with Fellowship of Christian Athletes. You can check out more about their ministry on-line if you’d like to know what they do and how to support them in prayer and financially. He also substitute teaches to pay off Rachael’s rock. Rach will graduate in May and will look for some sort of human services job. She had an internship this fall that was very enlightening to her as to the human condition outside of Christ. I try not to focus on the idea that she’ll gone from my house forever, not just for a semester any more. Instead I think of how her little bedroom will become my laundry room sometime in the near future, isn’t that right, dear?!!

Denny continues to amaze me with his super-human ability to be able to rise before the sun and hit the gym. I hope the insanity isn’t contagious. I think my fat is safe. He still works for the Dept. of Welfare doing accounting work. Better him than me! His mom still lives about 1 ½ miles away in the house in which Denny grew up, so he spends much of his “free” time helping out her and my parents, while taking care of our fleet of cars. I SURE hope he has time for that laundry room installation.

I’m in my 3rd year as a Reading Specialist for grades K-5, and I still love it. I hope I can keep it up until I’m 65, but I found I have early onset of arthritis in my knees and back issues which will result in a spinal fusion within the next few years, so we’ll see how that goes. For now, I’m thankful for good medical care that has kept me pretty pain free since July. Denny and I have a new, permanent church home at Carlisle Reformed Presbyterian Church in America. We’re SO blessed to have solid, Biblical, reformed preaching and teaching, plus new friendships and a small group in which we study God’s Word, pray for each other, and do a lot of laughing! It’s pretty amazing, and humbling, how God has blessed us!

I hope 2008 has been as fun and exciting for you all as it’s been for us. Thankfully there’s been a few dull moments thrown in here and there. Please be in touch. I truly love to hear from you all. I’m on Facebook, and my e-mail is Nancee22@comcast.net. My blog (which I don’t write on as often as I’d like) is http://mostly-sunny.blogspot.com/. If you want to come visit in person, we have EMPTY BEDROOMS J and we’re just 3 miles off I-81. Come see us!! There, you have no excuse. Have a blessed 2009, and we hope to see you soon! Nancy

voting in a new way

My husband had a great idea last night. Forget voting for "candidates." Let's vote on the issues. Let's give each person 2 view points (Republican and Dummycrat, I mean, Democrat) on all the major issues... education, abortion, economy, foreign affairs, etc. Then the candidate that most closely matches your ideals would get your vote. That way we're not swayed by looks, race, ability to deliver or not deliver a speech, age, etc. Our vote would be purely on the grounds of what we believe and what we hold true. I don't know if this would truly work, but it sounds good!

Dog= spending lots, and lots, and lots of money

I'm sorry, Lord, for not being a good steward of the money you bless me with. You see, I adopted this dog, and I really thought I was doing a noble thing by saving this dog from an uncertain future in the hills of West Virginia. I was "rescuing" a dog! Okay, so the fee was $200, but she came already spayed, with shots, and a goodie basket (for her. I was hoping there would be chocolate chip cookies and a gift certificate for Starbucks, but it only held rawhides, a leash, a ball, and bacon nibblers).

And Lord, you didn't give us the ability to see the future. How was I to know that she wouldn't stay in the yard and I would have to spend more money to get a long tie-out lead for her? And because she pulls so badly when she goes for a walk, I had to buy her a harness. My daughter calls it Allie's "backpack" and says she looks like a little nerdy kid with it on.

And I HAD to save my furniture by buying her MORE rawhides, balls, and bacon nibblers. Which didn't help. My couch now boasts a large hole in the cushion and my end table is missing a corner. Then there's the shoes. Three pairs of flip flops and a pair of leather sandals. And then the remote control became a snack. And of course the cats are the constant recipients of torture from Allie. And various Beanie Babies lost their lives.

So I spent more money on puppy classes. She did learn to sit, unless she sees a cat, and she did learn to stay, unless she sees a cat, and she learned to come, unless she sees a cat. You get the idea.

And I spent money on paper towels and Odor-B-Gone. LOTS of paper towels and Odor-B-Gone. Then I spent MORE money on "Poochie Bells." Yes, there really are such things. They're 95% successful in helping to house break your dog, who is supposed to learn to ring the bells when she needs to go out. I've found them helpful for beating the dog when she pees in the house (just kidding. I just smack the newspaper in my hand. And of course, that hasn't helped either). So I guess Allie is part of that 5% that Poochie Bells just doesn't work for. Drats.

Due to the torturing, chewing, and peeing, I spent yet again MORE money to get her a crate to stay in while we're gone for a few hours, like at church (where I pray for forgiveness for adopting this dog and pray for wisdom for the future to never give into temptation again).

And since she IS a puppy and I'm a sucker, I just had to sign her up for Doggie Daycare at The Animal House so that she would get exercise and make new friends while I am at work (okay, so it's really so that I have some furniture and a dry floor to come home to).

I haven't added it all up yet. I'm afraid to. I think I'm nearing the $10,000 mark. So God, again, please forgive me. And please heal this dog's bladder and make her teeth fall out. Amen.

One contented, and exhaused, puppy

Wedding, caterers, and diamonds, oh my!

My Sunshine is engaged! And I get my laundry room! Her very small bedroom is next to our bath, so the plumbing's there, it just needs a "little" tweaking to add some pipes for the washer. Hey, I had to think of something positive that would come out of losing my daughter to a boy from Rome, NY... 6 hours away!!!!!!!

He got her good, though. He came to visit, they went to look at rings, and he actually came home with one. She thought he wouldn't actually give it to her for at least 2 months, but when he asked The Hubs and me for permission to marry her, he also told me he wanted to give the ring to her in 2 days (that would have been this past Monday). So, I helped by getting her to the venue at which they want to wed with the ruse of taking pictures of them there. Meanwhile, I went ahead of time and dropped off roses and chocolates that Bryce bought and left. When they arrived, he gave her the goodies, told her all the ooey gooey stuff, then presented the ring. She was shocked! She wanted it to be a surprise in a quiet romantic spot, and Bryce pulled it off. She laughed and cried and laughed and cried and I showed up and really did take pictures.

It's going to be a busy year, but I'm excited for her and will be praying that her marriage has God as its center and is as joyful as mine has been to my Hubs.

Crazy is as crazy does

My daughter Sunshine has been gainfully employed for the summer at a large pet supply chain store. Every day she comes home, sighs and groans, "Work was SO boring!" As a teacher, I would LOVE to have a day like that, so I can NOT relate. The other day, however, brought a break in her otherwise boring routine of scanning pigs' ears, cat litter, and giving free milkbones to ugly mutts who don't eat them anyway and drop the slobbery treats on the floor for her to pick up.

A lady approached her with a baggy with exactly 5 pieces of dog food in it. She went on to explain that they had adopted a puppy who would only eat this one type of food, but the lady's husband (ain't it always the husband's fault?) threw out the bag and they could not remember what make and model of food it was. She was hoping that my daughter would recognize the dog food and lead her to it. Yeah. Right. If you've ever been in one of those pet superstores, you know there are hundreds of brands, flavors, and blends for everything from "Ferret-flavored for Pitbulls" to "CAT LITTER CRUNCHIES FOR PUPPIES NAMED ALLIE THAT STILL AREN'T HOUSEBROKEN EVEN THOUGH HER OWNER HAS BEEN WORKING WITH HER FOR NEARLY 3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!" Oops, sorry. Anger issues.

Of course my Sunshine had not a clue, so she asked a co-worker whom Sunshine describes as "manish." Manish "Linda" is very nice... too nice. She's one of those people who within 5 minutes of meeting you will tell you about her mother's hysterectomy, her son's ADD diagnosis, and why her underwear keeps riding up. So Linda takes the baggy, opens it, and EATS a piece of the dog food.

The customer stood there dumbfounded, while Sunshine actually wasn't shocked, sadly.

Linda calmly chomps and gulps down the kibble and states, "It tastes like Science Diet."

HOW WOULD SHE KNOW?????????????? I mean, does this woman go home each night and snack on all the different varieties of dog food in the off-chance that some customer will come in and ask, "Which dog food tastes the most like real lamb?" ???????????

In the end, they never did figure out what the dog food was, but the customer was impressed with Linda and commented, "Now that's what I call going above and beyond the call of duty."

I'm really glad Linda doesn't work in a pharmaceutical lab.

Puppy Graduation!

Allie graduated last night from her first puppy class. She looks so happy, and don't I just look like the proud mama? Actually, I was just glad it was over. Then I lost my sanity and signed her up for the Intermediate class that begins in September.


My next step toward the nut house? Doggy day care. I have to go back to work in month and little Allie will only be 8 months old and is full of peepy, I mean, puppy energy. And yeah, we still have the house-breaking issue. And the chewing issue. I met a girl last night who told me she uses a doggy day care 5 miles from my house, and it's $10 a day. My husband said, "You CAN'T be serious." Yes, honey, any time I'm willing to spend that sort of money to save my sanity, it IS serious. We'll see. It would be 9 months at the most, but hopefully only about 4, until she gets some of her "issues" worked out. Until then, paper towels and disinfecting spray are my best friends. That, and the words, "LEAVE IT!!!"

My sibs.... I love them. Notice how I hide my fatness by standing behind my skinny sis. And notice my bro's shirt. If you're EVER in Buttzville, NJ (yup, it's a real place), you HAVE to stop at Hotdog Johnny's. Best dogs, birch beer, and buttermilk this side of the Mi-double snake, i-double snake, i-double p, i.

King Kong's got NOTHIN' on Allie

Check out Allie's YouTube debut (My Destructo Puppy). Be sure to watch it until the end; she's bad, but cute. I can't help but love her in spite of herself. And yes, I actually was able to save the pillow!

Invasion of the Texans!!

TC' s coming to visit, TC's coming to visit!!!! Yiiiipppppeeeeeee!
Yaaaahhhhhhhoooooo!!!!!!

See you next week, my seester!!

I've adopted a peepy, not a puppy.

I'm loving Allie. I'm not loving the house training.I have never in my life bought so many rolls of paper towels. I'm afraid of what the people at the local WalMart think: "So THAT's how they're getting their fiber."

This pup reminds me of a baby doll my daughter once had: Baby Alive.

It was one of those little lifelike dolls with batteries that made it's mouth move and you could actually feed her her own baby food and give her a bottle. And the 'best" part was that she would then immediately poop and pee it all out and you could change her diaper, just like a real baby! Ugh. What propaganda these toy companies feed our children. Things like: "changing diapers is fun!" Well, this pup should have been named Puppy Alive. Feed her and give her water and it goes immediately through her internal plastic tube and comes out the other end.


She's very sweet, unless she's trying to steal one of the other dogs' food, then it just gets ugly. The other day she had our 14 year old maltese mix pinned to the floor with her jaws on the poor old dog's neck. Of course, Maggie DID start is when she snapped at Allie for getting just a LITTLE too close to her treat. And then all H-E- double-toothpicks broke out and it looked like the canine version of professional wrestling. Both survived and we've been more watchful of whom we feed treats to and when.

Allie's done pretty good on the chewing aspect. She is 6 months old, so we didn't have the initial little puppy teething thing. But Allie has managed to taste our remote control, my purple flipflops, my blue leather sandals, my hubby's black plastic shower sandals, our couch pillow, 3 Beanie Babies, 2 plants, and one basket. And a few cats thrown in for dessert. It's not that I haven't gotten this dog toys to chew on. I refuse to add up the receipts for fear I'll go into shock and then I'll have to be rushed to the hospital and that'll be MORE money gone. But truly, our house looks like a mangled stuffed animal mine-field. You must come visit with a strong stomach. You will see headless bunnies, earless bears, and blind Beanie Babies. It's a sad sight.

Well, it's our evening "Go poopy!" time. Yeah, I actually say that, over and over and over and over and over again, when I take her out in the evening, until the blessed event occurs. I'm sooooo thankful we don't have close neighbors. They'd either have me locked up for insanity, or they'd shoot me. THEN who would clean up the puddles???

Husband + Furry Friends Network = New Puppy

Let me just say that I am still very sad over my Jen Jen's death and had no desire for another dog. Until I saw Allie. My husband found her sister on the website of Furry Friends Network, and of course I just HAD to look. Then I saw Allie and was in love. After two weeks of home visits, dog visits, vet records check, 2 references, much paperwork and $200, we have a puppy. She's a true redneck, hailing from West VA and was one day away from being given away in a Kroger's Market parking lot. Hum. Maybe that's what we should have named her. Anyway, she's been ours for a whole 20 hours now and we haven't had an "accident"... yet. We literally, I kid you not, spend 2 hours in the van on the way back from The Boy's graduation brainstorming on names and Allie was the only one that no one hated, so there you have it. She's almost 6 months old and part Collie, German shepherd, and Norwegian elkhound (kind of like a husky), plus a little of this and that. The best part is that as of today, my daughter got a job at PetsMart and will get 8 weeks of puppy training for free, saving us $100!!!! Whoot, whoot! If you need me, I'll be busy housebreaking, crate training, and leash training Allie, plus feeding our herd of 5 cats, 4 kids, 3 dogs, and 1 husband. I'll get back to you in about, oh, 2 months.

Ya Hoo!!!!

We had a Top 10 Day yesterday! My eldest, and my only son, graduated from Geneva College. Yes, he's the same one who spent 3 months in Madagascar and lost 20 lbs. And may I say, he's kept it off. He told me, "Oh, I just haven't been that hungry. I only eat one main meal a day." I wanted to slap him, no not really, but why HIM?? Why not me??? Why can't I be happy eating once a day?? Actually, I think it's because he's in love. Well, at least in like. Here he is with his sister, who will graduate from Geneva next year, and my folks, the 2 best 'rents in the world. Yeah, I know, a lot of people think their parents are the best, but until you meet mine, you can't really be sure now, can you?!


Here's the boy with his sis and his eldest step-sis, who will graduate next year from East Stroudsburg University. And my youngest step-daughter will graduate from high school (hopefully), so we are going to be B-U-S-Y next spring!!! I already notified all 3 young ladies that we are doing 1, I repeat, ONE graduation party for the 3 of them together.





We took this picture in front of the Geneva library. Side-note: my best friend got engaged on these steps 35 years ago!

I'm not sure my son ever stepped foot inside, but his GPA was good, so whatever he did worked for him. Now he just needs a JOB!! And delivering pizzas is NOT a permanent option, Son!!

If there were a doggy heaven...

....my dog Jen Jen would NOT be in it right now. But I loved her none-the-less and I miss her dreadfully. My husband says she was our "party gal." She was most certainly the alpha dog and had to be reminded often that WE were her alpha people. After suddenly developing seizures at only 6 years of age, Jen Jen's health deteriorated for 3 weeks, most likely from a brain tumor, until finally last Thursday on April 24th we had her put to sleep. I just HAD to be with her to the end. She was MY baby, my dog, and when we adopted her from PAWS at Petsmart almost 6 years ago, it was love at first sight. Not for my husband. He thought me nuts, but Jen turned out to be quite the life of the party and an excellent watch dog. Of course, she had it all through her gene pool: she was a mix of Corgi, German shepherd, and Chow. Now you understand the alpha dog complex too.

Her nickname was Donkey. Think Shrek. She not only looked like Donkey, she had his attitude and personality. She was something else, and our house is really quiet and boring without her.

Our other two dogs, Maggie Roo and Heidi Bear, seem lost without her. They all used to run to the back of the property with Jen leading them in the great groundhog hunt. Two days after Jen's death, I yelled my usual battle cry, "Go get those groundhogs!!" Well, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber ran out the back door about 30 feet, stopped, and looked around as if to think, "What DID we come out here for?" They never did make it to the groundhog hangout. Two days later my hubs had had enough and HE played alpha dog, running with them to the shed under which the hogs hide. It was quite a sight, one unfortunately that I did not record on film.

Yesterday Maggie followed me back there and started barking down a hole, announcing that she'd like the groundhogs to come out to play. Unfortunately, Jen was always the digger of the holes, making the front doors bigger so that Maggie could go in and visit the hogs if they did not come out. Poor little thing. She stopped barking, looked around to see where Jen was, and realized she'd have to dig by herself. That didn't get very far, and she gave up. Heidi (a.k.a. The Princess) was too concerned with ruining her nails, my husband says, and did not help with the groundhog escapade.

And so, here are the other two "girls." I found them on the dog bed together 3 days after Jen Jen died (Maggie on left, Heidi on right). They often take turns lying on it, but I have NEVER seen them on it at the same time. I guess they miss Jen too.

My Jen is buried under the magnolia tree. When we put her there, there was just one flower left on the tree. I will never forget my Donkey, but I will particularly remember her each April when the magnolia blooms.

A different kind of drug problem...

When I grow up, I want to be a beach bum.

I want to be HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!

You know, people that are addicted to cigarettes can get all kinds of help: programs, patches, etc. and hopefully give up cigarettes forever. Addiction handled.

People that are alcoholics can get similar supports and programs and hopefully someday, put away alcohol forever.


People that are addicted to food can get all kinds of weightloss programs and pills and hopefully someday, give up food forever.

Wait.

We can't give up food forever!! Well, someday we will. I don't think there's food in heaven, but if there is, I hope it's Tandycakes, cheesecake, and lobster with clarified butter.

ANYWAY, it's just not fair. With other addictions you can get to the point where that thing is out of your life completely. But with us food addicts, we can't give up food completely. We HAVE to learn to handle the addiction and show some restraint while still imbibing in the addiction. This wouldn't be a problem if everything tasted like cauliflower, or raw clams on the half shell.

If we can trade in cars, why isn't there a place to trade in addictions? I personally would like to be addicted to, say, sit-ups. Or actually cooking for my poor deprived family. Or better yet, praying. Or producing edifying comments all day long.

Alas, it's food. Such a sad, pathetic addiction. I just hope I never have to choose between cheesecake and my Hubs. That WOULD be a tough one.

Why would I WANT to work at home?

Work at home as a online rebate processor‏
From:
Positions Available (rebateprocessorsathm22@BuyGenuineOnline.net)

Sent:
Tue 4/08/08 2:37 PM

"Click here ---> work at home as a online rebate processor"

I receive this offer at least once a week via my e-mail, and every time it cracks me up. They must think they're TEMPTING me with the offer to "work at home." Silly them. If they were flies on the wall at my house, and believe me, we live near two farms, so there often ARE flies on our walls, they'd see that I use every ounce of my sanity NOT to run screaming from my house every morning. I work OUT of the house to get AWAY from the craziness. We're like the real life version of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."
1. We have a cat who walks around with his head on sideways, a.k.a., Crooked Jack.

2. Jack is kept company by his mother, Daisy, who is a good mouser but likes to bring her conquests into the house to prove to us she's a good mouser.

3. Jack also has a brother, Tater. We should have named him Rosie O'Donnell because he doesn't shut up.

4. Jack's "Auntie" Hashbrown has taken to sharpening her claws on our upholstered furniture.

5. Jack's other "Auntie" Tigre' is nothing more than a blob that moves from room to room, occasionally eating and using the litter box.

6. Our dog Jen-i-fur Low-paws developed epilepsy 10 days ago and is now on meds that make her excessively thirsty (What goes in must come out. Yeah. The makers of Bounty LOVE us.).

7. We have baby gates up to keep Jen in the kitchen, but then the other two dogs feel like the grass is greener on the other side of the baby gate. Back and forth we go, herding dogs from one side to the other. My sheep herding skills are well refined. Too bad we don't own any sheep.

8. My 13 year old Maltese mix has developed selective hearing. She won't come when I call her, but open a can of dog food and she's there in warp speed.

9. My youngest step-daughter's living areas look like "who did it and ran" as my grandmother used to say. Her room looks like a tornado, earthquake, grocery store, beauty supply store, and clothing store all partied hard and then threw everything up. And forget using her hallway bathroom, unless you have a chisel to get through the crust of hairspray fallout on the sink counter and a wheelbarrow in which to load her beauty supplies that are left all over said-counter.

10. Can you say, "Shedding season?"

There's my 10 Reasons while I go AWAY to work to my little inner city school. It soothes me, calms me, and provides a sanctuary for me so that I'm ready for the battlefield when I come home. I do NOT want to work from home. Thanks for the offer, though.

I'm SO glad I live in PA where they use our money "wisely."

FOXNEWS.COM HOME > POLITICS

Pennsylvania Considers Mobile Liquor Stores for Rural Areas
Thursday, February 28, 2008

HARRISBURG, Pa. — The state agency that regulates Pennsylvania liquor stores may take its products on the road.
The idea of mobile liquor stores is just one of several possibilities the agency is weighing to make wine and hard liquor more available in rural parts of the state, said Nick Hays, a spokesman for the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board.
Board chairman P.J. Stapleton mentioned the idea Tuesday during a Senate hearing on the agency's budget, but said it's not a priority for the agency.
The agency hasn't fully investigated the concept, Hays said. Officials would have to determine whether state law allows it and whether it's logistically feasible, he said.
The agency oversees more than 600 liquor stores.

Here's my mom (left) at her aunt's 100th birthday party! Aunt Betty looks pretty amazing for being a century old, yes? I would like to be 100 if I could be like Aunt Betty:

1. Still have my natural haircolor and never turn gray.

2. Get a letter from a Republican president.

3. Be able to see well enough to read a book a day.

4. Know who everybody is.

5. Get pushed around in a wheelchair. Hey, after all of those years on her feet, she deserves to take a load off.

6. Still have my children talking to me and actually acknowledging that I'm their mother.

7. Oh, my hubs came home with a taco salad from Wendy's. I gotta go. Maybe that would be #7: still have my teeth to eat yummy things like taco salads!

Ummmm... could you repeat that?

This morning at school I took another teacher's hall duty before school to pay her back for filling in for my duty one day. As two little first graders walked by, I said my usual cheery, "Good morning!!" The one looked brightly up at me and said, "I have a heller." Okay. Did he say what I thought he said? I AM well over 40 and the old hearing ability is a little compromised. So I politely said, "Excuse me?" And he repeated it exactly the same, but this time the other little boy also told me that he has a "heller too!" Well, I'm not up on the latest video games, so I'm thinkin' maybe that's what it is. Or maybe it's a brand of sneakers, or a toy, or maybe even a really bad headache. All of this was flying through my head at the speed of, well, the speed of a 40-something brain, when one of the boys added, "Yeah, we were just at the nurse."

LIGHT BULB!!

I responded, "Oh, you have an inhaler!"
They weren't the only ones who were breathing easier!

Be afraid... be very, very afraid.

For some random reason, I googled myself to see what would happen. I found my name in this funny post below at http://www.outsports.com/forums/lofiversion/index.php/t6604.html


Most Feared People in Sports

By Maddog
Oct 29 2005, 11:37 AM
10 Most Feared People in Sports
I saw this list online and wanted to add my own: Nancy B.

Sport: Tetherball

In third grade Nancy was the queen of tetherball. No girl would play her and a boy would only play her if he was called a chicken or a wussy or was triple-dog-dared. And with good reason. Nancy towered over everyone in the class. She'd been held back two years so she was the size of a fifth grader. And she was mean. She would do holds and double-taps and then deny she did them. No one argued with her. No one dared.I would say of all the sports I've played since, I've never been half as terrified as I was when I played Nancy B. in Tetherball.


This post cracks me up for a couple of reasons:
First, I DID tower over everyone else.
Second, I was the one that was a huge wuss. And no one has ever been terrified of me, except maybe the dogs when I threaten them with a rolled up newspaper and a day of fasting.
Third, I was not married in third grade, therefore I was not Nancy B. back then. I was Nancy R.

I guess I'll have to go google my maiden name. Maybe it'll come up that I was a wuss that Nancy B. beat.

The Madagascar Diet

I'm going to co-author a book with my son when he returns from his 3 month trip to Madagascar. I talked to him last weekend on Skype and found that he's lost 15 pounds in 8 weeks. I figure we can call it the Madagascar Diet: it'll sound really exotic and mysterious, but all it really entails is eating only 2 meals a day that consist mostly of rice. Just for kicks we'll throw in recipes on Beetle Burgers (okay, so this link doesn't take you to beetle recipes. I actually couldn't find any, so I'll have to get creative in my recipes!). I could also highlight my Lemur Lasagne and Mashed Millipedes, served on rice, of course! If you'd like to be a taste-tester, please let me know. My kids have already declined the job.

My dogs are just gross.

This is Sheepy, also affectionately called Nasty Sheep. You can see why. Sheepy has taken many baths, but nary a dent could be made in her petrified slobber armor. Sheepy is the beloved possession of Jen-i-fur Low-paws, our German Shepherd/Corgi/Chow mix. Yeah, I know. We haven't been able to figure that one out either. Maybe there was a step stool involved. But I digress.

Jen had many other beloved toys until Heidi, AKA, the Princess, arrived and systematically disemboweled the whole herd, leaving only Sheepy. Maybe Sheepy was even too disgusting for Heidi. Which is hard to believe, because as off yesterday we renamed Heidi "Poopfur."

We live in the middle of a large field that the Canadian geese just love to rest in, and well, rest-room in. In the same manner that my grandmother used to douse herself in Jean Nate', Heidi proceeded to douse herself in goose waste. Ugh. I do NOT have a picture of that. It's a sight and smell that I do not wish to relive. My most wonderful and forever-to-be-adored Hubs bathed Princess Poopfur. I think I love him more today than yesterday.

Yeah, my dogs ARE disgusting. But for some reason, I love them. Sometimes more than my kids (Don't tell the kids).

Blessings... with a few bumps in the road

PA is known for its awful roads. We are a crossroads state for traffic going to New England, NY, NJ, OH, and well, all over the north-east. So we get a lot of heavy-duty truck traffic. And our roads show it. You can be sailing along, all nice and smoothly, then, WHAM! Your car hits a pothole- no wait, more like a sink-hole, and you spend the next 5 minutes trying to find which way your cell phone and dentures flew. It struck me that life is like that. Smooth, then rough, then smooth, then rough. That was our weekend.

There were HIGHS, then there were lows.

Friday: a high- my Sunshine came home from college for a week.

Friday: a low- eldest step-daughter has car accident.

Saturday: a high- birthday shopping for Sunshine.

Saturday: a low- Joey Oreo-y, one of our boomerang cats that found his way home from the farm, is noticeably sick and is not eating or drinking.

Sunday: a high- worshipping at church with all 3 of our girls.

Sunday: a low- Joey goes to the Great Litterbox in the Sky.

Sunday: a high- we four women attend a bridal shower for my niece.

Sunday: a low- Hubs had to dig the grave for poor Joey... in frozen ground.

Sunday: a high- we all went out to dinner for Sunshine's b-day.

Sunday: a low- eldest step-daughter had to return to college (with her father's car!).

Sunday: a high- 3 of Sunshine's guy friends came over for ice cream cake (like we needed that after eating at a shower and a Mexican restaurant).

Monday: a low- Sunshine needs an appliance for her TMJ and locked jaw and insurance won't pay a red cent. Drats.

Monday: a high- Sunshine needs new tires on her car, and Hubs realizes that the junk car he bought for parts has 4 new tires that just "happen" to fit her car (God is good!)

And then Tuesday: another high- I got to teach all my beloved kidlets at school that I hadn't seen since Friday. And dang it, I love those kids and I love my job!

Thank you, Lord, for the bumps and trials that make us appreciate the calm and peaceful.

How can this be? I'm only 29!!

My baby's 21. How can this be? It's truly impossible for 2 reasons:

1. I'm only 29.

2. I'm still carrying my baby weight. How long can I use that excuse? Is there an expiration date on excuses?

Hungry and ready to eat at Fiesta Mexico!

A strawberry margarita! Delish! Her older sis and Gramps gave her a little help finishing it.

Yum! Ice cream cake! Complete with 21 candles. Good thing we didn't set off the smoke alarm.

Grammie and Gramps helped us celebrate - there's no way my dad would pass up a good Mexican meal!



Lovin' from the 'rents.

Calling Dr. Dad

Here's the patient. My Hubs says he can fix her. He's a car guy and I believe he CAN, but where to find the time? Hum.. we'll see what the summer brings.

Slip Slidin' Away

What do you get when you mix this:





















with this:
















with something like this:
















and with something like this??

















You don't want to know. Let's just say it was ugly. Two crying girls calling from 2 hours away, with the bumper laying on the ground, the airbags deployed, and antifreeze everywhere. Thankfully Hubs had just left them 10 minutes before and was able to turn around and get back to them in about a half hour. A tow truck, a nice state police officer, their daddy, and a warm night at a hotel, with major helpings of praise to our gracious God enabled them to get through it all. And thankfully, the only injury is to our wallet.

Cloning gone wrong

Okay, so I sent skin stem cells to this lab in Australia, "Clones R Us." I saw their ad in the National Enquirer. I knew if the press would print it, it MUST be true, yes? And I figured while having the dog cloned, I might as well have the Hubs cloned too. I mean, if living with one of him is fabulous, how great would it be to married to two of him? Unfortunately, the lab accidentally mixed the stem cells.


After getting used to the double-heads, I've found the new hubs to be much more obedient, but the constant licking is a side effect I didn't count on.

My brain

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama. Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time... But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you. You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatpatternisyourbrainquiz/">What Pattern Is Your Brain?

C'mon Spring!

Spring is officially one month away! Yippee! So, in an effort to soften the blow of yet another winter storm, I added my own little touch of spring to encourage winter to "get lost!"